I will cherish you

I used to be irresponsible in love. I was a nasty girlfriend to someone. I did lots of terrible things to her. I didnt care about her feeling at all. I just did what I wanted to do at that moment, regardless of right nor wrong. I knew she was in pain for what I did but I never felt it coz she never showed my her tears. And when I saw the one I know get a broken heart by her boyfriend with my own eyes, I just felt it. I got it clearly how much pain she went through. She cried right next to me and I just hate when girls get hurt by their lovers and cry. I tried to cheer her up and make her calm but it never worked. She still cried. Her face looked so pale and sad. I was there with her till she told me she wanted to be alone. She was waiting for her boyfriend to pick her up but her boyfriend didnt seem like he cared for her much. He kept her waiting for longgggg time. After I left her and I was driving back home, I had a thought or more like a vow. I told myself that if I have a girlfriend again, I wont break her heart like that guy did. I wont neglect her and I wont say bad things to her. I got it that the word 'girlfriend' and 'boyfriend' are greater than just a feeling committed between 2 people. Those words mean responsibility in feeling. If we dont care about our lovers' feeling, then we shouldnt have ones. I told myself I will never ever hurt my girlfriend. Once I am attached, I will think about US not just MYSELF anymore. Of course I will be a good hubby to my wife (only if it's you, Joyce). Besides you, I cant love anyone else from now on. My heart will beat for you only or else, let it fail and stop in sudden. I dont care. It has become clearer and clearer that you're the only one I want. I wont do anything that might suffer you. I promise. I will respect you and honor you because you are my girl. I love you.

:)

You know what? I'm glad to hear you said that you wanna have my baby. That sentence means a lot to me. I would wanna have a baby with you if I could. You will make the best mother to your children. Once I told you about what I imagined. Remember? I told you that I imagined we started a family together and you were having our baby. HeHe!! I'm glad, really really glad. Normally, I hate babies but if it's with you, I will be happy and ready for it. I would be a good daddy to our kids if we had ones :) Unfortunately we cant in real life. lol. But it feels good just to imagine that in our future. BTW...Do you think I can be a good parent? Do you think I can be a good hubby? :) I think only you would want me for that. HeHe! I used to have a thought of letting you go so that you can have a happy normal life like other girls do ~Being with a good guy and marrying him, having your own family with lots of kids, etc..I know it's a dream of girls~. BTW..thank you for that sentence! :) Thinking of it always warms me up. If there was a way for us to have our own babies, would you be willing to do it? :) No need to answer though...I love you, my girl!

.

Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why it's called the present.

12.23 am now babe!!

When I was 12 years old, my mom woke me up in the middle of the night just to make me eat fruits coz I didnt eat them at all. She asked me if I wanna have a cancer by living like this. She asked if I was trying to hurt and kill myself by not eating vegetables and fruits. We argued and I ended up crying but I didnt remember if I ate those fruits or not.

...

When I had troubles with that issue (which comes and goes), my mom told me to go for a check up. I refused and I told her "leave it. let it come what may. let me get that kidneys disease. let me die of it coz i really dont care." Mom was so upset and angry with me. She went to see a doctor that she knows and told him about my conditions so that he could write the prescription for me. And when I told her to get me a expectorant from the hospital as well, she raised her voice and ordered me to see a doctor and run a test. well, I didnt go to the hospital thou. She has stored all mixed vitamins in the fridge. I take it from time to time.

...

When I had those running nose regularly. Mom asked me to run a test to see what kind of allergies do I have. I heard that there were several kinds of allergies to test and some might be hurting so I refused to go to the hospital for it. I dont have to go to the hospital thou. I think i know I'm allergic to dust and air. It cant kill me thou, but it's just annoying. I can live with it as long as I have tissue papers. hahahaha! I know that she's always worried about me. I know. and i know that you are worried about me. i know you should coz you are my girlfriend. Dont worry, Cupcake! I'll live and be your silly Hubby for years!! hehe.

when i miss you

I only have Big Eeyore, Little Eeyore, those girly socks, and The Dog on my bed to get to hug. They're on a pillow right next to me. I always turn my face to them when I try to sleep coz I wanna smell ur scent. It makes my heart melted.

Haaa!

Hey...I love you...Wife

23.06 pm at a tue night

believe it or not...i still have lots of 'what if' questions on my my mind. lol. i didnt mean to make u feel bad or anything. Just a question. and i got it. haaa i hate the aches, whatever they are, headache or heartache, they're equally painful. after talking to you, i think my headache has gone away. hehe thx girl. i hope the heartache i might give you by chance would go away as well. i dont want to hurt you and i will never.

our first chat!

You: tell me about yourself!

Me: umm...i'm a girl who is into girls lol

You: hahaha can you tell me more?

Me: and how about u? can u tell me about urself?

You: hmm..i'm cancerian...

Me: hold on. i'll look it up.

You: ohh it's a zodiac sign for ones who were born in June

Me: ohh..me too. i was born in june as well.

@@

^_^ do you remember that, cupcake? It's our very first conversation. I may not remember the exact words we said but I still can remember the content. BTW, i'm a Taurus. hehe :) i was born on june 6th. and i was just ur idol by those days...i'll get by your side someday and i'll never leave. I'm looking forward to getting to do hubby's duties, such as, carrying my wife's things so that she will be comfortable, giving her all my love, my heart, and my soul, making sure the she will live well, giving her hugs and kisses whenever she wants, taking her out for dinner and movies and wherever and whatever she wants, being her thinking partner when she needs any advice, taking a good care of her in everything and every way i can, being there with her when she's sad and i'll try to cheer her up, driving her to her office and picking her up after work, having breakfast with her every morning, accompanying her to wherever she wanna go, etc..

English is not that easy..-_-'

I know it's annoying and frustrated when I dont get what you say on the phone and I have to ask for repeating. I'm really sorry but I just cant help it. And when I have something to say, it takes me some time to think about words, tenses, sentences, and ways to pronounce it. haaa...that's why I said 'nothing' sometimes coz it's easier not to speak. Tell me when you cant take it anymore, okay? English is not that hard but it's still hard when I dont get to use it in daily life. I used to be better and quicker when I was in university but now I think my brain is getting slower and crashing. It's like everything I knew and studied is fading away little by little. Maybe i'm really old for this lol. It can be tiring for both of us when conversations are blocked. I think time can heal everything. now i'm waiting for my english to get back as good as it used to be. I dont know if i have written these all grammartically correct and i'm too tired to final check them now so i'll let them be like this. hope you'll understand me. i know you dont want me to say sorry for this but i feel guilty..lol..and baby, when i left our conversation silent, it was because i didnt know how to say things on my mind in your language. that's all. it didnt mean that i didnt wanna talk to you or anything but i just couldnt find the words to say. well, the point for this post is that I am afraid you would get me wrong and feel ignored or neglected or whatever those words mean. maybe i think too much. haaa...0.02 am now. after this, i'm gonna take a vitamin pill and take a bath and then call it a day! see ya tomorrow. i love you always.

Hold on!

That's why people seek love! I got it now! It's like my girlfriend is in my daily life. Everywhere I go, everything I do, I keep thinking of her and I just can't stop. When I see beautiful places or get to taste delicious dishes, I wish she were here with me. It's a good feeling but it's killing me at the same time coz I have to wait for months to get to see her. It's not even Christmas yet! -_-' I've counted down minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day, and so on. Haa! I am meant for you and you're meant for me. What a gorgeous match!! By the way, thanks for your laughters when I said stupid jokes. lol. I know they were not that funny and hard to understand. :)

.

Baby: so now if someone asks me if I have a girlfriend, I will say yes. ok?

Cupcake: hahaha. is that ur way to ask a girl to be your girlfriend?

(do you still remember? lol)

.

Final say: I love you...my wife to be.

0 to 100

Someone says guys' love starts from 100 to 0. Girls' love starts from 0 to 100. Well, I dont know much about it though but all I know is my love for you starts from 0 and it reached 100 long time ago already. It's at its peak now and will never decline. Someone may say we're crazy, falling in love without seeing each other in real life but I don't care about what they say at all. I know I love you and I want to start a family with you (if it's possible). I've offered you all my love and life, hoping you will take them. hehe....

Would you?

• Would you like me to take care of you for the rest of my life?
• Would you like me to give you warm hugs when it's cold?
• Would you like to rest on my laps?
• Would you like me to give you a body massage when you're tired?
• Would you like me to make you laugh when you're sad?
• Would you mind if I kiss you?
• Would you let me sleep on your chest?
• Would you mind if I wake you up at night just to say I love you?
• Would you like me to cook for you sometimes?
• Would you mind if I ask for your attention frequently?
• Would you mind if I act like a kid when I want a kiss from you?
• Would you like to punish me when I do things wrong and not obedient?
• Would you like to taste me to see if I'm really a sweet person?
• Would you mind if I am unreasonable sometimes?
• Would you mind if I am jealous (too much)?
• Would you be my wife? I will always adore you.

Meteor Shower!

I've just gone out of my house to look up to the sky, hoping to see some shooting stars. I got no luck at all. I couldnt see any. I hope tomorow I will see some. I told you I wouldnt wanna make any wishes but now I want to and I hope they will come true.

^_^

I wish I could be with you as long as possible.

I wish I could be the one who protects you and makes you happy.

I wish you and I would have a bright future together ("IF" we couldnt be together in the end, i wish you well anyway).

I wish I could make you laugh and smile everytime we are together.

I wish I knew how to make it last forever.

I wish we would be in love like this for years and decades.

I wish I would be healthy and strong enough to make you live well and comfortably.

I wish I could take a good care of you.

I wish my English were better.

I wish I could speak Mandarin.

I wish I were brave to face tough and rough things which are lying ahead of us.

I wish I wouldnt have any competitors racing for you.

I wish I could be good enough to be with you.

I wish I could give you the best.

I wish I would be welcomed to your family and friends easily.

I wish no one would hurt you.

I wish I were THERE!.

I wish I had Doraemon's magic door to go wherever I want.

I wish I wouldnt let you down.

I wish you and me would grow old together (even though I'm already old).

I wish you would always be happy.

I wish the whole world knew how much I love you and need you so that no one would take you away from me.

I wish I were a boy if it would make things easier for us.

Finally, I wish all of these would come true.

.

^^lifting my hands up and praying^^

.

I'm sorry I didnt remember our anniversary but you know what...date and time have never really mattered. I'm lucky I'm in love with the best one now and lucky to have been where I have been. I hope I'll be lucky enough to have you in my arms someday soon. I wish I had a time machine now!! It's rare...you know?...to have someone who can make me feel the way you do now. You are just lovable to me. I love you.

my first

you are the first one...

...whom I wanna share my life with as hubby and wife

...who makes me think of growing up and taking responsibilities (I wanna do that for our future)

...whom I think of when I wake up each morning and go to sleep each night

...who makes me want to go to Singapore

...whom I chat, talk in English and fall in love with

...who calls me 'hubby' :)

...whom I call 'wife' :)

...who folded me paper in bottle

...who sent me vitamin pills

...who will give me a bare hug! o_O (thx cupcake!)

...whom I want to make it an everlasting relationship

...who makes me feel that I'm the lucky one

although you arent my first love nor my first touch, I do hope you will be my last. I'm ready to be your last and to have you hold my heart for good.

F = Forever

U = Ultimate goal

T = Together

U = Unbreakable

R = Romance

E = Eternity

aka...our FUTURE

Before I met you, I used to wonder what it was gonna be like when I had a girlfriend again. What kind of girls would I be attracted to? How would my life be when I was attached again? What would I see in relationship? Now, after I met you and we became girlfriends, I got all answers. I feel that my life is not empty as before anymore. I have someone to hold on to and I have something to look forward to. It's good when we have goals in life and you are one of them to me. You fill me and you make me grow up and think about the future. I'm really scared that someone may take you away from me and set us apart. You are just what I'd been looking for in a girl whom I wanted to be a part of my life. I told you once that you would make the best girlfriend and mom. Now you already proved to me that you are the best girlfriend. I'm waiting to see the mom part from you now. hahaha. And I am sure that you will be the best mom to your children as well. It's my pleasure and honor to have known you and to have a chance to love you and be the one whom you love. I do want to have future with you. I really do. I feel comfortable when being with you. I can talk about anything to you and I'll be willing to listen to anything from you. I hate to realise that it's gonna be tough and rough for us in the future but it's true. However, I'm happy to have you with me now. That's all that matters. Since when did I think about sharing my future with someone? Well, the answer is since I met you and have known you more and more. I'm not influent in English nor a good writer but I hope all my words are good enough for you to understand my feelings for you. I used to wonder if there was someone out there for me whom I would love with all my life and who would love me back. I dont wonder it anymore. We have each other and that's the best.

When I Fall In Love

When I Fall In Love by Matthew Deane

It's the coldest night, people passing by

You will be the one that light up my life

.

When you're close to me, make me feel alive

Like never before, when my whole world had died

.

* Painful memories, lonely places

I had been there a long time

Now I found you, where I belong

My whole life will never be the same

.

** When I fall in love with you,

Anything is out of the blue

In the dark night

There'll be sunlight

And you'll be the destiny that I'm going to

.

When I fall in love with you,

Wish this dream is forever true

Having you right here, face to face

Let nobody else comes between me and you

When I fall in love

.

There will be no more, no more lonely night

I'll cry out no more, love has come ease the pain

.

Just to touch your hands, whispering your name

I can feel no pain, feel myself breath again

^_^

"Hubby can do anything for Wifey...whatever it is...whatever Wifey says"

i'm scared of

• losing the ones I love and care for
• hurting them by chance
• seeing them get hurt
• taking responsibilities (but when it comes to the time that I should, I will)
• loneliness and being left alone (but sometimes i wanna be alone)
• being with hot chicks (coz I'm shy and will be nervous)
• getting hurt
• saying and being said 'Goodbye'
• being stabbed at my back by people I love and trust
• being with cruel and nasty people
• meeting girlfriend's family and friends
• letting the ones I love and who love me down
• being let down of coz
• the future and the hard truth
• all kinds of obstacles on our way
• failure in everything
• losing my memories (I've been trying to keep some memories but they are gradually fading away. maybe bcoz it's the force of nature huh?)
• seeing you walk away becoz of my bad
• being hated by the ones I love.
• growing up and being adult
• unfamiliarity
• being looked at and being in the center
• being caught in the middle where I cant make any decisions
• being asked for a date and being after by someone lol!
• complicated things
• supernatural things
• dreadful situations
• disasters
• dishonesty
• getting fooled and played
• losing your scent on those things :)
• undeniable reasons that can set us apart

once

back to those times when i got mad, - i shouted at ppl who pissed me off - i beat my dog becoz she killed her fellow - i beat mom's washing machine when it didnt work - i punched my computer when it wasnt working well - i kicked my dogs when they didnt obey my words - i said bad words - i drove fast, maybe too fast, and didnt care about the one who was sitting beside me at all (which i should have thought about her welfare) - i spoiled myself and did just what i wanted to do without thinking about rights and wrongs - i said things that hurt others' feelings (i just realised it when i already said it out and it was too late to correct my words) - i punched my head as hard as i could once when i accidentally stepped on Rascal and realised that i almost killed her - i ignored the one who made me mad and treated her as if she had been invisible

Hubby! aww I love that!

You know what? You make me happy. You are the most precious prize to my life. When you call me 'Hubby', it makes me feel something. It somehow makes me think that I should be growing up now. I should be responsible to be ready for you to live with me in the future. I really should plan and think about our future. If I'm gonna have someone to be my wife, I should have everything ready for her. She must get the best. Well, at least let me try as best as I could. You are the reason why I have an idea to enlarge my bed. I want you to be comfortable when you get to be with me on our bed. I've talked to my mom about a plan to enlarge my room already. There's a possibility to do so. :) BTW, mom told me that my handwriting is soooooo messy. She told me to make it better. She told me that I'm a grown up now and should take things seriously. lol I guess she's right! She told me I should have someone or something to hold on to. She's worried about my future, fearing that I might end up alone. Maybe she knows that I'm just living day by day. However, since I have you with me now, I'm sure that mom wont have to be worried about me ever again. You are the one I'm holding on to and I hope I can be that one for you as well. I really wanna be with you as a hubby and a wifey! I would ask you, if I could. I used to fear and avoid any kinds of commitment coz I didnt wanna be responsible for things. But now I really wanna be attached if it's with you. No matter how hard it will be, I will take a chance and all my effort on it. Our relationship is the most valuable and priceless to me.