I promise I will

I think I saw you at Suntec City. I couldn't say hi or catch your eyes because it was from distance. You were talking and laughing with your friends. You look happy and that's all I've been praying for. And most importantly, I think we're still fated. We met. That red string will never break.

Dear Jialin

I'm finally here and I have a thought. From what I've seen in 2 days here in SG, I finally made up my mind. Even though I miss you more than anyone else and that I still love you so much, I should really let you go on your way. You belong here. And I saw that, baby. I saw how ppl live and work here. It's not my world at all. I don't belong here even though I desperately want to. I saw the social environment that you have to go along with. I saw parents and kids. I saw so much enough that I accepted the cold hard truth. I have no right to drag you down with me, to make you leave your world.

:(

It's not fair at all. You got to know what I think through this blog but I got no clues on what you think about me. I know that you have expressed your thoughts somewhere out there, maybe a blog, twitter, tumblr, facebook, or some sort of those social networking. I don't know how to find it. I just want to know how you've been. I want to catch up and update on your life without any hidden agenda. I miss you.

Dear Singapore, I miss you

Singapore, here I come! Say we're fated in this lifetime, may we meet each other on streets, MRT, buses, or whatever! I shall recognize you the second my eyes lay on you. Fingers crossing and break a leg! T_T

After going through all of these, I still prefer a long distance relationship.

I often sleep for a few hours on weekdays. Ppl wonder how I could survive a long day with just a few hours of sleeping. Well, we shall see how much further I could go this way. It's 2.26 am now and I have to get up in 4 hrs to go to work.

You are on the right path, baby. Being with him is much better than being with me. I know who I am. I was a bad lover. And like you once said, I'm not an ambitious person. And by being that, it leads me nowhere. I'm still right where I was 10 years ago. I never thought of any promotions or job hopping. I never thought bigger than my comfort zone. I've seen lots of my friends move forwards with their lives and they really did a great job, unlike me. I have no bright future like I told you in the past. So, maybe it's true like you said, this is for the best, that we're better thos way. Well, you are better this way without me dragging you down. I'm a silly person, always think of non-sense stuffs. I can never give or even offer you the great life. I hope he can do it for you and for me. As long as you are happy, I will be too.

Do you still remember the old lady offering the drink at the crossing dock that you told me about?

Well, I wouldn't drink it either. I wanna remember you so that I could recognize you once I see and meet you again.

命運好幽默, don't you think?

You are my eternal 情歌

- always have and always will -

Would you know that I miss you? Would you know that I'm not quite ok?

This morning, I dreamed of you just now. To me, your happiness is beyond everything. It matters the most. I woke up and hope you can live the life you love. I love you, JL.

Baby, I'm wondering. How could you move forward and not look back? Coz I cant help looking back to those memories. They're still fresh to me as if they had just happened yesterday. They're something I can't really let go.

There's a saying, "people left so that they could come back". Well, I'd rather think that to myself and to us. I would think of you that way.

There you'll be

Every single word of the song truly speaks my mind.
And this is from me to you. 

My English is getting shitty. You would be surprised to see how aweful it's turning to be if you talked to me these days. All the skills that I had been practising with you are gone. Sad, isn't it? :(

As far as you've known me, am I a bad person?

Our path crossed each other's too early

Perhaps, you and I, we met each other too early. If we met now, things would be much different.

I'll love you the best I can, JiaLin

I never get mad at you nor blame you for what happened to us at all. I totally understand your situation and I can never get angry with it. Don't you feel bad nor guilty, alright? I still love every single thing that we'd been through together so far :) And I never regret meeting you, not at all.

You're now 27. How does it feel? People say 20's is a golden age as we're learning and accomplishing our goals in life. I was there before. Anyway, now I'm still 4 years ahead of you. I'm a bit old now and I believe I've lived half of my life so far. Alright, I hope it'll be your sweet 27 and may all your wishes be granted. I wish I were the one who sang the song to you tonight. Happy Birthday, my dear.

Baby, i know that you are moving on with your life right now and I'm sincerely happy with you. Deep in my heart, i know what's best for you and i can't help feeling sorry that i cannot be the best for you. As you completely forgot about me, i'm gradually letting you go. I hope you have a great life ahead. I'll leave it to fate and destiny. If ever we are fated and destined to be together, may we meet each other again somewhere in the future. If not for this life, may we meet again next lifetime. See you later no matter when it is, baby, goodbye my love. You've been my lover, best friend, and so much more. 

Wo xiang ni a lot

And I'm still on that site from time to time. Maybe I expect to get to talk to you again.

Today I called your old number. I knew the chance that you would pick up was rare. I was aware that the number might not connect to the network because the last time that it was activate was few years ago. But I still made the call. I had no choice coz it's the only number of yours that I've got. Once I dialed, my heart just skiped a beat as I heard the holding signal on the line. Then my hope was gone as it was a man who picked it up and said that this was his number. Baby, you gave someone your sim card or the number is no longer yours? T_T

Last wish

Could we talk one on one to each other for one last time before we part? I want to settle all unfinished things down with you so that we both can really move on with our paths. We had been in the relationship for 3 years, I think we should part in the right way. I know you wanna move on. So dont be worried, coz I'm not gonna hold you back or get in your way. All I want is just to talk to you, baby. At least let us have a proper goodbye.  Could you please at least call me? I would call you if I had your number.

The Vow

Have you ever seen The Vow? Every time I watch this movie, it brings tears to my eyes. I don't know how and why but it does remind me of us. And I never get bored of it no matter how many times I've seen it.

How come you never reply my emails at all? You said you wouldnt shut me off like this even though we broke up. You said it was crazy last time. Do you remember? :(

One thing is on my mind, baby. You and me, we were so much in love. How come we end up like this? :(

Wo ai ni

It's always been you

So Far Away

 

 Not sure if you would remember this song

I played it for you while we were talking thru mic on skype

I translated a sentence to a sentence once it's sung

And you said it was beautiful

There's no one living at the old address now?

This is the closest moment that we were on this blog almost at the same time. You were ahead of me for 5 minutes. Maybe we're still looking at the same page at the same time. What a chance! :)

Baby, she betrayed me once again. I cant even count how many times she has betrayed me so far. There has been so many. I'm mad at myself that I gave her several second chances and let her hurt me like this. Same pain, same betrayal. Why is it so hard to find a good girl whom I can settle down and spend the rest of my life with? Relationship sucks! :(

I feel like giving up on every single thing now. Tired of holding up 

FML

Dear me,

I'm sorry I let you down and didnt give you as much as you wanted. I'm sorry that I put you in this uncomfortable position and somehow made you trapped. I know you want to do so many things as you dream but I dont let you and still drag you down. I'm sorry that I'm such a pathetic loser. It seems that it's the only thing that I'm really good at being. I'm sorry I can't keep promises I made to you. I'm sorry I can't live a better life and I'm sorry for letting you be me.

Random thought #07

Tomorrow is the first day that I'll be working at the new office, new environment, some new colleauges, but definitely old assignments. Some chance is now or never. What should I do  :/?

 

An old school song with old Thai expressions that exist only in traditional songs

I'm not even sure if I understand the title

Random thought #06

Why did you stop publishing your blog? I guess it was full of memories and it holds you back from where you should be now, am I right?

Random thought #05

 

This song was first released in 2001

It suddenly became a hit and easily walked its way to the top of charts

I was into it for the first time I listened

Even until now, it's still beautiful and meaningful

The MV is contemporary

Who wouldn't love it? I doubt

Random thought #04

 

One of my fav songs of all time

You might recognize her voice

Most of the songs she sings are sentimental, aren't they?

CNY 2014

I hope CNY this year won't be too harsh for you. I always remember that you don't like CNY. Family and relatives would give you pressure on you as they would ask you about your career, your studying, your relationship, and other personal topics. Looking at the bright side, they ask because they care. That's a good thing, isn't it? Time really flies. The year is passing by with so many things happening to our lives. I don't know what lies ahead in 2014 but I hope it will be a good year for you and your family. Break a leg! Who taught me this expression? :) Anyway, Happy Chinese New Year 2014!

Bla Bla Bla #02

I'm back to the position that I hated again. I never asked for it but everyone seems to think that I'm suitable for the job. It's packed with high responsibility and sacrifice. Being in charge of something is never easy. Everyone depends on you and you have to drive them to the great success no matter what it takes and what you have to sacrifice. It consumes most of my time for months. I hardly have days off and I work till midnight. I hate managing things especially managing people. I don't know how much longer I can take this. I'm still looking for a good reason to keep my chin up.

Bla Bla Bla #01

I drink, I smoke, I've been living my life to the fullest.

Random thought #03

Would you still recognize my voice if you heard it again?

Random thought #02

Do you still keep the gifts from me? Bull, Eeyore music box, crystal wrist lace, red coffee mug, wooden apple box, etc.

Random thought #01

:/?  Have I ever crossed your mind sometimes?

Headache beats all kinds of illness at some points. It paralyzes you when it hits you at its peak. Headache sucks! :/

情人

 

 I don't speak Cantonese nor Mandarin

Thus I don't understand what this song says

I just know that the title Qing Ren means lover

And I just love its melody and the girl's voice

skype

Accidentally logged on to the old Skype account and got to read all of our old conversations stored in it....  T_T ....miss those moments a lot

รักเธอเสมอ

Are you seeing someone?
Whoever he is, I really hope he loves you more than I do
Hope he'll take care of you better than I could
Hope he'll treat you as best as a guy can do for a girl
Hope he will respect you and be a gentleman
Hope he is a good guy and a good boyfriend
Hope he will never make you cry or hurt you, not even a bit
Hope he will be anything that I wish I could be for you
Hope he will make you smile and laugh
and most importantly, I hope he will make you happy

I still love you and it's still a lot
I want you to be happy
even though that means I'm not a part of it
even though it's you with someone else
Of course, I can never bear seeing you with someone else
It'll be hurtful, I won't deny it
But as long as you're happy, I'm happy
I love you this much
and I don't have any other word to call you except "baby"
I'm sorry if this makes you uncomfortable

Sigh

I feel like I have no goal in life. I dont know what I wanna do and what I want for my life. I'm tired and sick of everything. I'm sick of my routine, my work. It's demanding and that's tiring. It consumes my time more than 15 hrs a day. And I work everyday. Gradually it takes a bit of my soul away. That's what I'm feeling like now. Ppl are lousy and I'm feeling like I do the assignments all by myself. That really sucks.